10 April 2007

yesterday I was...no, wait, that wasn't me.


I love living here in the Pacific NW. Can you see why I am typically armed with my camera? You just never know when a barn will catch your eye. At least I am not living out in this barn. I think it has cow poopies in the field. Anyone for some frisbee?

So, I'll make this short and sweet. Our house had an offer, and sold in a week and a half. We moved everything in three days and closed within 10 days. wow.

The kids love their rooms and are trying to test the soundproof-ability of the walls between us and our neighbors. I almost sound like a recording now, "NO RUNNING!".

Mr. Coffee is attempting to fit all 62 boxes of books into bookshelves in our living room. I think if we sold every one of these books, we could be a homeowner once again with a cash sale, too.

I'm settling in, enjoying my kitchen which doesn't look big in the pictures. Oh, but the storage...it's divine. I was with friends, shopping for a vacuum at Best Buy and saw some washing machines that I would seriously consider marrying and having little washing machine babies. They were so pretty, and front-loadingish. The next house we buy will have these gracing it's laundry room. (they come in red, royal blue and a couple other colors which I can't remember)

I've also encountered an unusual phenomena where complete strangers are encouraging their children, ranging in ages 4-10, to converge upon our new abode. These are the same children who's parents have no problem with me, a perfect stranger, babysitting their offspring. I'm a little sickened that I haven't met one parent here. And. They. Keep. Sending. Me. Their. KIDS.


I open the door, "Hello?"

A small child in front of me looks up with big eyes, "Hi, can your kids play?"

I squat down a little to his level, "Well, they can't come out right now, they're doing homework."

The child stares blankly.

Me: "Were is your Mommy?"

"She just had a baby, " he replied matter of fact.

"Oh," I was a bit surprised as I thought to myself, "Why have another when you don't take care of this one??!"

"How old are you?" I was curious, and since this child was so forthright, I had no qualms in asking him questions.

Child: "Four."

Me: "Does your Mommy or Daddy know where you are?"

Child: "Uh-huh...playin' outside...."

I know it's judgmental but these parents wouldn't leave a stinking bike out in the stairwell, but they let their kids leave for hours at a time, talking without reserve to strange adults. I guess being a mom with kids qualified me as safe. This has initiated the 'no neighbor kids allowed over' rule. On second thought, I am also tempted to send the innocent visitors home with this note:

Dear Parent,

I am new in the complex and would love to have your kids over. I spank but don't leave too many bruises just so you know.

Feel free to send your kiddies over anytime after school...except for Tuesdays when I meet my parole officer, oh, and Friday nights cause I go out on my 'second job' and there's no one home with the kids. Your kids can come on weekends if they don't mind helping my kids rolling their Daddy's "cigarettes". Otherwise, I just set them up in front of the Gameboy and they are pretty quiet. I'm pretty hung over until noon, so make sure your kids know not to knock too loud in the morning or I wake up in a foul mood. I don't mind, either if you send over some granola bars or cheetos, or something your kids eat. All I have here is warm beer and protein bars (my kids never complain)

Here is my cell number in case I get extradited and you have to pick your kids up from Child Services. (Mrs. Dawna over there is really nice. She knows my kids real well.)

Okay, maybe not but it might solve my problem.


... Paige said...

I love the note-I say YES do it.

Pin it on the little darlings or maybe one that says something about you calling the CPS on them if you find their child wondering around without supervision just one more time.

JLR said...

Ha! Do it.

Seriously, those parents are so, so irresponsible. Where I work, I cannot tell you how many times we see of sexual molestation of children cases and really sad parental termination cases. It really freaked me out when I first started working here--I knew it happened, I just didn't know the extent of it. And just so everyone's clear, these creeps don't hang signs outside their doors that say "sexual predator lives here" or "meth lab inside." They don't have shifty eyes, and they don't twirl their mustaches.

Ok, I'll get off of my soap box.

Leslee said...

Oh my side hurts!!!! I have a neighbor, who I've never met, who sends thier kid over too. Like you I'm a little more picky about where my kid plays.

sarahgrace said...

The kid thing would be distressing and annoying to me, but I'm guessing it wont last long. At least not with your end. Eh. Otherwise...happy moving in and adjusting and so on. :)

McBunni said...

If you sent the letter, you might get one in reply:

"Oh thank God! Someone I can relate to! Let's go out to the club sometime. I've got some great "enhancers" that will help us have a real good time!"

Gotta love apartment buildings.

badoozie said...

I leave the house for one hour, and all these people get in here first and beat me to the punch, what is the world coming to? will I get hate mail for this?

love the "Dawna" part. That tramp, does she still work at the CPS, or does she just hang out there waiting in line?

badoozie said...

and...that barn looks very familiar, did we pass that on the way to the crazy chicks house?

Henny Penny said...

I was actually contemplating moving into an apartment complex... Thanks for the heads up... Copying note now. Can I use it word for word?

Jenn said...

paige: I'm this....close...

jlr: I KNOW IT! Kids are smart but there are sickos everywhere. I fear for these kids. By the way, I like your soap box.

leslee: Lots of parents think I am nuts for staying with them, but like you, I can't afford to gamble their innocence.

sarahgrace: only a couple 50 boxes to go. hehe.

mcbunni: no joke. I would not be surprised.

badoozie: huh? What are you talking about? I have no clue.

yes, we did pass it but I think it was when we were laughing/crying.

the woman: feel free! Even embellish a little for fun.

Dave said...


I have a barn.

Glad you are all settled in your new domicile.

I heard the guy next door just purchased an electric guitar.

R said...

Always a pleasure to read your posts. You literally go the extra mile, if you know what I mean.

clueless in cloverland said...

I believe in babysit first, ask questions later. It's pretty simple, and it helps with the food budget

Millie said...

Oh, seriously. Some of these parents are amazingly bad at their jobs.

We just had a mother evicted over here yesterday - for DRUG USE. She had a 2-year-old girl that fortunately her parents have scooped up. My sweet little 23-year-old apartment manager was shaking, telling me about it. She said there were four or five stoned guys hanging around her apartment... is it any wonder our kids don't play outside without us?

And that note is great.

Dapoppins said...

another vote for...DO IT! Pin it to their little shirts! I double dog dare ya!

Gwynne said...

I had forgotten about some of the "joys" of apartment dwelling. I say go for it with the note! What's amazing to me is it's never those people whose kids get abducted or molested. Either that, or they don't know and don't care what's going on which is really sad!

Foo said...

Sadly, there's probably nothing in your note that would alarm those parents in the slightest.

Kristi said...

You need to send the note. Definitely.

Dapoppins said...

Did you change the format of the note from the last time I was here? Now, click, copy...wait, okay edit, select...there. That'll do it.

The Estrogen Files said...

(snort) I just LURVE those kids running around on their own - seems like they all end up over at my house, too. Ah well, guess I'd better teach my kids different.

wolfbaby said...

Ohh yeah do the note... I can't believe some folks these days and how they let there kids roam.. it scares me half to death.. wow

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