24 October 2007

Quitcherskimmin

I appreciate my bloggy peops but I have to clarify on my last few posts, because I do not want you to think ill of me. How many people skim my posts? Raise your hand, you know you do it. Okay, important points for me to make because I have my pride.

1) I am not looking to replace my husband. No one else could handle me. (pipe down in the peanut gallery)

2) I will not be broiling his head. It's a joke. It's satire. It's funny. Just like ramming people in the carpool lane.

Road Rage Ramming=Funny.
Head Broiling=Funny.
Ranting Posts=Not So Funny.
Running Out Of Coffee=Pure Evil.

3) I do not hate men because I have said it's work to communicate with Mr. Coffee. If you believe me to be stating otherwise, I suggest you quitcherskimming and read the post.

4) We have one measly credit card for emergencies and one savings account. Savings is not touched, and neither is the credit card unless it's...well, an emergency. (I've been informed that cute shoes on mega sale is NOT an emergency)

5) I am always open about money probably because everyone is so weird and shush shush about it. Being open about money does not mean I want yours. You can't take it with you and it doesn't keep you warm at night unless you have a whole bunch piled around you.

6) I am not going to be living on blocks of government cheese and living in a van down by the river. I am a stubborn woman, and by Grabthar's Hammer, I can and will make it just fine as I have for the last 14 years, thankyouverymuch.

7) If I had credit card debit then I would be living in a van down by the river and eating bricks of government cheese.

8) I do have utilities, rent, and a ginormous food bill. This is life when you have four growing kids and one income. Groceries happen, and since I know my biology and digestive system, so does the other thing.

9) I did not pay Mr. BOB Jiffy Lube $80 for just oil. I paid $80 for fuel filter, oil filter, synthetic oil (two head gaskets replaced on a v6 that is 11 years old will make you do this, too). Then there is this state's sodding sales tax. This is not a lot of money for what I had done. It's just a lot of money when you could instead spend it on things like red bull and duct tape.

10) I am in no way slamming divorced peops. It does take two to tango. It only takes one falling down to make it NOT dancing anymore. It also only takes one blockhead to end up going through the big "D" and I don't mean Dallas.

11) I am so glad you are still with me, despite my inherent need to number everything and explain myself into your good graces.

In other news....

Today in Target, my 4 year old daughter decided to full-on run our cart down the overly busy main isle. Seriously, she pulled her own private Ben Hur Chariot Race, clearing people like Moses parting the waters, and her completely unable to see where she was going. I was there yelling behind her, "RED LIGHT!! RED LIGHT!!" as I do when I want her to stop. It was completely in vain as she barreled blindly toward the cash registers, her little arms barely able to reach the cart handle. Most people laughed and some people gave me the evil eye. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole.

Too much fun...

27 comments:

Ian said...

See, I have to fall in love with you now because you mentioned Grabthar's Hammer. <3<3<3<3

Ian

McBunni said...

Oooo...I was almost first!

......and no I'm not a skimmer. If I don't finish reading a post, I always come back and finish it later. :)

Ba Doozer said...

someone needs to check into the clinic to get cured off the wild turkey.......can I get you anything? some eggnog? drive you to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

SimplyAmusingDesigns.com said...

I, for one, do not skim...yer just that good, sister.

and by the way? Galaxy Quest is one of my all time favorite movies...I think I need to rent it sometime soon.

Laughing Boy said...

i'm glad you clarified 1 & 3....for a while there i thought you were switchin teams....

oh, and doozie,...don't mess with the mack-daddy!

Jenn said...

laughing mack daddy,
oh no. switching teams me no likey.

SAMB,
awwww, thank you. Isn't it a great show?

doozer,
Wild Turkey? That stuff is gross. How about Olde English 800. Now that is class.

Mcbunni,
I know you do...you are my favorite stalker. :)

ian,
haha, Doesn't that movie just crack you up? I'm a sucker for silly movies...Tommy Boy, Uncle Buck, Joe Dirt, and Napoleon Dynamite. I think those who enjoy a good laugh can't help but own those movies.

mack daddy said...

I got mah eye on ya....

Millie said...

Not a skimmerrrrrrrrrrr!!

Good grief, what made that list necessary? Did I miss some pointed remarks in your direction?

Jenn said...

mills,

Good grief, what made that list necessary?

I just want everyone to LOOOOOOVE MEE! Besides, I wanted to write but didn't have anything interesting. Can't a girl be insecure without everyone saying I'm paranoid? The voices in my head say I shouldn't be paranoid, so it's all good.

mack daddy,
I hope you have good vision from the other side of the globe. Can you see that I'm being a smart alec?

jd said...

This made me laugh. And I mean Laugh hard!

Laughing Boy said...

about switching teams???

The Lazy Iguana said...

Nothing that funny ever happens at the Target I go to.

If I ever have a kid, I will keep it on a leash. And a choker collar thing. They will only try to run one time. The leash will reach its end - and SNAP! No more running. Worked great for the last dog I had.

I have a feeling that I will not get along very well with child protective services.

Jenn said...

laughing boy,
Don't make me beat you with my Bible.
Of course not! Never going to happen.

jd,
HEY! Chicka! How are you? Next post will be for you. I haven't forgotten the tag and meme. I'm SO going to do it. I just have rewritten it THREE times. No joke...(just say it.."SHUT UP, NO WAY!!").

Jenn said...

lazy,
if you are ever crazy enough to have kids, you will be a mushy, pinky wrapped father...and a good father that will take his kids boating and teach them you know, boat stuff....

Jas... said...

Kids.








:|

Erin said...

Just letting you know, I'm usually a lurker, never a skimmer : ) Love your posts and your humor. I'm glad the floor didn't swallow you up...wouldn't have been nearly as fun without you around!

Jeff said...

I try to read every word. However, once someone exceeds 500 words I start to get light-headed and then I tend to think about what I'm going to eat for supper and how nice it is outside. So there's that.

piper of love said...

Emmaallthetime! Your blog is incredible, I'm so jealous!! How have I not been here before, or maybe had, and then forgot about it??

KUDO'S

dawn224 said...

red light! red light! hee hee!

The Lazy Iguana said...

Ill teach my kids to do fun things like "mow the lawn" and "mop the floor" and "clean the toilet". Child labor is OK as long as they are your kids.

Right?

Kimberly said...

Right. It's official. I'm completely and totally smitten with you now and you've been inducted onto my bloglines list.

I think it was the numbering of points that tipped the scales. I love that.

sarahgrace said...

Oh...the kid with a cart scene...
At our local Vitamin Cottage they have little kid sized carts, it's still not much better than them pushing a full-sized one. However, I think it might be different if it wasn't my son driving one...

R said...

please don't be mad at me....

Avery Gray said...

I didn't get much of what you were saying, 'cause it was like yada, yada, coffee, yada, yada, government cheese, yada, Moses at Target. And I just can't be expected to get into all that. I mean, you're here, then you're there. Who can follow that? Huh?

Jenn said...

r,
Not mad here, I'm not mad at all!! I've never had any sort of passive aggressive tendencies in my life. I'm exactly what you read. I promise..cause I loves you anyway....

Stalker Cyberstalker said...

I still think deep-frying is the only way to go when cooking a whole husband head.

Stalker Cyberstalker said...

Oh, and I skimmed once and got caught and haven't done it again.

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