28 October 2007

This I Believe

I've taken quite a number of months to do this post. It's fitting with my 3rd bloggy anniversary just next week. JD, thank you for thinking of me and I've finally done it. This I believe.....

I'm a realist and I like to laugh, this I know.

I strive to post as transparent as I can be, just for my own satisfaction. When I first started blogging my blog was stale and boring even to re-read. I wrote what I thought people wanted to hear, afraid if people saw me, they wouldn't like me. I still struggle with that but I've become as honest as you'll find and as non-judgmental as they come.

It was three years ago I started blogging with this pseudo-profile. I had a myspace account but afraid...just afraid so I needed a place to vent. "Being myself without pretense or expectations" was my goal. I filled out the fields for my profile. I read it back and realized this was someone I wasn't but wanted to become. My blogging anonymously had peeled back the layers of pretense.

Anonymous blogging is therapy at best. This I believe.

I couldn't believe my posts. Out came the person that I wanted to be. Funny. Sarcastic. Cathartic. Interesting. Altruistic. Creative. More than a mom, more than the wishy washy friend, or bored and depressed housewife. I was only myself when I could be safe.

The truth is I lived most my life in this conformist way. As a child, I prayed that if I made others around me happy I'd be pulled from the foster homes I despised. I hoped in high school, that I wouldn't be branded the geeky home-schooled child because I could name all forty states in one breath. I would adjust so that the boyfriend of several years would marry me when my biggest motivator was only that I didn't want to live in sin. He'd say, as I would get home from my job modeling swimsuits, "I would love you more if you were thinner."

Later when I met Mr. Coffee, I would end up crying because Mr Coffee would show me unconditional love and support even with my inevitable flaws. It was not what I would ever expect.

I could, I would, make people like me. I purposed to be who they wanted me to be, if I could be the perfect girl. I ended up a depressed, passive dreamer who didn't know herself if she sat in front of a mirror labeled "self".

Today, I am exactly what you read. I wish more people in the world acted under no pretense, no underlying motives, no sit-in-judgment-secret formula to make the world more palatable. I am a realist, but a happy realist, comfortable in my own skin.

The glass isn't half full or half empty, it just depends on what is in the glass.

If I am sad, I cry. If I am happy, I smile. If I feel like making poetry or making absolutely no sense on a whim, I'll do it. This is me. I do not possess the ability to fart rainbows on command. I don't hide my head in the sand when bad things do inevitably happen.

Roses are red
Farts on command
I'm the happy realist
No head in the sand

Life will throw a curve ball and *if* in noticing this fact of life, a person can still laugh at the trials, learn from our mistakes, and allow life to be our teacher...we then, will know who we are and be better for it.

This is what blogging has taught me. This I believe.

I do have a tendency to notice the bad and make fun of it. I've had too much bad happen in my life to say it doesn't effect me. I, however, do not like to be blindsided. I like to see the bad coming down the pike, without sugar-coating it with a Pollyanna outlook. I go after it with straight up honesty. I will boldly look whatever in the face without fear, laugh in it's face and pointing that it's zipper is down while I confidently scissor-kick it in the head.

It's not how we fall, it's how we stand up after falling.

Diamonds are made under great pressure.

Expert sailors do not become this way by sailing calm seas.

Trees grow into the wind.

You cannot grow stronger muscles without resistance.

I feel love, hope, faith, compassion, mercy..all of which I cannot touch or place tangibly in your hand. Does it make any of these invalid? No. These are not corporeal but these are what make us human. Honesty in who we are just makes us easier to live with. Life can be our teacher, for this we should be pliable. To be ourself, comfortable in our own skin? This is invaluable. This I believe.


Anonymous said...

Wow. Heavy.

I started my blog because I had crap to say - but nobody really wanted to listen. Stuff about my parking ticket, and whatever else was pissing me off at the moment.

I used my fake name because I had always used it. Before internet access was common I ran a BBS called "The Snake Pit" and I was "Green Iguana".

Anyhow people who know me can tell that I am actually writing the crap I come up with. I do not really try to hide anything, nor do I invent a personality that is not mine.

Happy three year Bloggerversery. Is that even a real word?

Anonymous said...

Comfort in one's own skin---that has taken me years of learning because I felt undervalued as well as a child. For reasons I won't get into, I guess. But---I always had a fear of rejection---always. I still do, but the thing is, you get to a point, if you learn anything, that fearing the rejection does not matter anymore. It is how you face the rejection when it comes to you---if it does. I am still learning this, but I think I get it now. I am beginning not to care if people like me as a person or not. I am who I am, right?

I have learned the honesty lesson as well---I mean, I have only voiced it until recently (the past few years). It has been this thing that I know in my head but have questioned it because loved ones around me as a kid loved to live in denial. All the time. So you wonder sometimes if honesty can be real, if people actually could open their mouths and say the real hard truth.

I think I became feared because I was so honest---"too honest". But now I am sounding vague.

I get tired of people who can not handle realistic things, so they pipe it up and make it better than it is. Don't you wonder, if you ever see things like everyone else? Why do people insist on putting veils over their faces? I say it's protection. The truth is frightening.

Anonymous said...

Iguana says heavy. I agree. I also say--bold. Sometimes it's tough to open up and let people see all of your gooey insides even with the small veil of anonnymity that a blog affords us. Thanks for sharing you.

Anonymous said...

I never imagined that blogging could be so therapeutic when I started. And I really enjoy peering into the lives of other people (ok that sounds creepy) and seeing what makes them tick. Especially when they're written so well - like yours.

Congrats on 3 years. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Great post, ems! I'm so glad that you started blogging--we all love the person you've finally allowed yourself to be.

Anonymous said...

That was brilliant. Seriously brilliant. I'm only at the year and a half mark myself, but can well imagine writing something similar. So glad you decided to be you.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

You are a wonderful person, and I have met you so I can say that. Thanks for making the blogosphere a funner place, and a more real place as well.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post, Miss Sometimes. I'm very glad to know you because you share yourself with us here.

Anonymous said...

I swear I checked this last night after 9pm

Anonymous said...

Emma - beautiful post. I love that you are comfortable in your own skin, and post the truth. Your posts always make me laugh, bless me, and I know I'm reading the.absolute.truth.

Happy 3rd blogaversary!

Anonymous said...

"If I wasn't me, who would I be?"

I'm glad you've discovered your true voice. I quite like it!

Anonymous said...

What is wrong with Pollyanna? I like her. Great hats. Cute dresses...puts up with the grumpy women in her life...

Anonymous said...


I honestly loved you when you were thin and 18, but that was a long time ago. Today I just like to focus on your hot hair.

I only lie 99% of the time on my blog. I'm not sure why I do that.

Are you done having kids?

Anonymous said...

Happy Bloggerversary! Don't go changin', we love you just the waaaay you are!

Anonymous said...

mmm. I love. this. post.

Anonymous said...

WOAH! that was awesome! THanks so much for taking on the challenge! And your honnesty, thank you.

Anonymous said...


Checking out your blog - I followed the link from Ann's. This is a great post. Learning to 'know thyself' and live life accordingly is probably one of life's most important lessons.

Anonymous said...

Well said!

I blog to make people laugh. The day that doesn't work any longer, I'll just find something else to do.

Anonymous said...


Thanks for stopping by my blog- I am always looking for new reads- I love your style! I will be back to catch up

Anonymous said...

I am going to enjoy a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale right now.

This I believe.

Anonymous said...

hiya ems,
um, I agree w/whatcha said and am happy it is working out for you. you are quite the poet. it is good to be in our skins ain't it? I should read your blog more...

Anonymous said...

well, I disagree that you're not as funny in person....that's why we got kicked out of applebee's from my laughing too much at you?

I believe that the more people I duct tape in the alleys, the more friends I will have because they fear me

Anonymous said...

I believe you to be the modern day female Shakespeare
"to thine ownself be true."
That was so beautifully written and I will be back often to reread it and remind myself of what I can so easily forget.
I too, believe that conflict doesn't define us, it's how we recover that does.
perfect post. and clearly, I'm not alone in my thoughts!

Anonymous said...

Cool post. I've tried being someone else before, but I just forget who it was the next day and have to start over. Come to think of it, that happens with my real identity, too.

Anonymous said...

I love you Emma! You are one fantastical lady and I hope my eyeballs see you someday.

Anonymous said...

*clap clap clap clap*

Sorry it took me so long to come and read this!....I had to have time! :)

You're a great writer and a wonderful person. Happy Bloggerversary.

Anonymous said...

I do love to read your blog, Emma. This is why. :D

Anonymous said...

That was an incredibly powerful post. This is why I love coming here. Happy belated 3 year bloggerversary.

Anonymous said...

And that above comment was left by me, I just hit "enter" a little prematurely.

Anonymous said...

This has gotta be one of my favorite posts you've written. I love your version of "Roses are red," I think I'm gonna make it my new mantra. He he...I laugh, but I'm serious.
Thanks for tellin' it like it is, I need to do that more often!

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