04 January 2006

Cars for $1000, Alex

I've mentioned before, I was a homeschooled child.

Now before you get weird ideas that I can recite the Gettysburg Address while rolling my own candles, I will refrain from any parent bashing over their blameless and best efforts.

Just drink your **Kool-Aid and read on...

What I am happy to say is homeschooling birthed in me an inquisitive side. There is lesson in everything. It's not everyday you drive into the Oil Can Henry's and they urge politely,

"Please, ma'am, Really. You can stay in your car."

They smile and curse under their breath waiting for the Spanish Inquisition which rears it's curious head,

"How does that man get down there in the pit under my van?

"Can I go down there too? Well, why not?"

"Where does the oil go?"

"Do they resell it?"

"What is the difference between synthetic and standard motor oil?"

"What's the 30 stand for?"

This is the problem. Even in my best venti-skim, no-foam, latte-induced caffeine comas, I can still remember the answers and trivia, at days, weeks, even years later.

Who remembers that bumble bees fly 15 miles per hour at their fastest?

Why does everyone use the Statue of Liberty as a NY symbol when we ALL KNOW the island is in New Jersey?

A cup of vinegar in the wash will get my whites sparkling clean, take that Color Safe Bleach!

That concrete will crumble if he uses rock salt on his driveway. Hhhhhidiot!!!

Sadly, this is my daily thought pattern. Pitiful to the point of stamping Webster on my forehead and shelving me at the public library. I just hope the bar code doesn't make my butt look big.

**By the way, it wasn't Kool-Aid, it was Flavor-Aid. Just thought you'd want to know.

~Bee would probably still suck at Jeopardy.

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe