19 December 2006

words of wisdom

Jumping out of bed to a barfing toddler is no way to start a day.

Pot of coffee? Yes.

My radio gently singing in my ear? Can do.

Kisses from Mr. Coffee? Absolutely.

But not technicolor yawns from the baby girl.

This week, the kids have, one by one, gone down for the count. So, it's true: The family that plays together gets sick and curses the fact that we have one bathroom...together. On the other hand, Mr. Coffee and I have successfully avoided it, like...well...the plague.

Over a year ago, we pulled the carpet out of our house due to mold issues & allergies (thank you Amateur Carpet Cleaner Bob who SOAKED my living room carpet in an attempt to swirl the dirt around clean my carpets). Now with 75% of my house being carpet free, why did my toddler have to find the bedroom carpet? I think I despise that Murphy guy.

Murphy's Law has some great advice, words to live by. So, last night while the kids attacked the $20 - gorgeous - aromatic - 7ft tree-because - we - live - in - WA - State with lights and ornaments, we decided to make up or remember some good words to live by. The winners are here:

Never roll in honey and run through a pack of wild bears.

Never bring your friend Johnny Walker to an AA Christmas Banquet.

Never eat prunes when you are famished.

Always wear clean underwear when you get hit by a Bradley Pie Truck.

Never bathe with a plugged in toaster.

Never mix gun powder and alcohol. Tastes terrible.

Never swim with an open wound in a pool of sharks.

Never eat cheetos and five oreo cookies before a dental appointment

Avoid asking your hostess in a loud voice if 'those are real?'

Never ask Britney's stylist to dress you.

Refrain from asking a policeman where "the underage kegger" is.

Never wear stilettos jogging. (That goes for the ladies, too)

Avoid driving your Hummer to a Green Peace convention.

Never bring a pork appetizer to a bar mitzvah.

Never wear a Borat speedo to church.

Never eat All Bran cereal before a long car ride.

Don't bring your daycare to an antique china mall.

last but not least (and no joking here)

Never drink and drive.

Be safe. Be well. Merry Christmas!

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe