31 May 2007

Magneto of the Road

I'm a magnet.

A road rage, idiot driver magnet. This is why I don't have a Christian Fish on my car. THEE very reason.

I know, you think I am being harsh and condescending? I've had two bloggers ride with me on separate occasions and have witnessed said magnetic truths. It's a problem and because of it, I am very, very careful. Knock on wood, I have never had an accident and only once 8 years ago I got a speeding ticket rolling along with traffic.

I'm a defensive, careful driver, but not an aggressive driver. There is a difference. Defensive means you look beyond your hood when you drive, noticing what other traffic is doing. Aggressive is Psycho Driver lady who I had the misfortune of encountering this morning.

This Psycho Driver dropped off kids at my children's school, sped out of the carpool lane angry about her kids getting out slow, or the driver in front of her..or her pantyhose was too tight. I don't know. She was angry about something because I could see her hands waving at her kids. She bolts off the driveway end, driving too fast in a school zone, and by the time I got down to the light safely and stopped behind her, I figure I must have stopped too close to the woman. At least, that's the only thing I could think of that set her off this way. She then started hand gesturing and yelling at me in her driver's side mirror.

What the???

At first I think that I have a flat. But the finger comes out and it's not mine, nor is it the International Sign of Friendliness...and she certainly wasn't saying she was number one.

I ignore it. It's the smartest thing to do.

I've got my four year old in the van and once the light turns green she gets about two car lengths out of the intersection and slams on her breaks. She is trying to get me to rear end her.

That's it. I'm ticked now.

You can call me every name in the book, hand gestures, etc.. but if you endanger my daughter and I will activate your dental insurance (because we all know that is What Jesus Would Do). I blare my horn and I get over into the slow lane, away from Psycho Driver. She slows down to my rate of speed, rolls down the passenger window and starts screaming obscenities at me from the fast lane. I'm looking at her like, "WHAT THE HECK????"

I can hear her screaming with the back vent window open. I don't roll my window down and come to almost a complete stop (no traffic behind me). I need her to go away. I want to go Twanda on her but my daughter's safety is my first priority. Then she pulls into the left turn lane. With no one behind me, I pull in somewhat behind her and get her plate number as she speeds (and I mean speeds) off.

It was the rare time I didn't take my cell, but I got home and reported her to the authorities. You just never know what kind of wackjobs are out there....and I don't even live in Florida. (Sorry Lazy Iguanamano) Little does Black SUV, WA plate 143*** know that I have good friends in law enforcement. I also just heard of the website RoadRagers.com where you can report it, just FOR FUN!!

I keep thinking today how ignorant you have to be to slam on your breaks and endanger lives this way. Angry about something, she wanted to teach me a lesson. Well, I didn't get it. I'm even more sad that this woman actually has children...that go to my kids' school. I just hope she doesn't cause any problems, I'd hate to have to use my Ninja skills in front of the kids. I just knew they'd come in handy.


great hair said...


This may come with age but I never let anyone bother me. I have to much fun to live for. You need to just let things go. Pretend my strong hands are rubbing your shoulders.

McBunni said...

Don't even get me started on stupid drivers.

Ian said...

You know, I always suspected my mom was a ninja too, but I never could catch her in the act of running across rooftops or flying or hacking people to bits with a sword.

Show off for your kids once and they will behave for you for a week afterwards.


Joanne Casale Viskup said...

Favorite line, "I will activate your dental insurance." I am so stealing it!!


sarahgrace said...

Yes, "WHAT THE?!!!" is about the only thing you can say to this one...sheesh.

KingJaymz said...

"or her pantyhose was too tight." Maybe her head wasn't screwed on just right. But the real reason was because her heart was two sizes two small.

It's too bad that it's against the law to threaten such people with an unloaded shotgun. Otherwise, I'd be all over carrying one in my car everywhere.

I, too, have avoided putting the ICTHUS on my car. I just can't do it. I'm imperfect and need not to toss out another reason for someone to judge me.

Ba Doozie said...

in order to survive in traffic anymore, one must become impervious to these sorts of behaviors. I wish you had your cell phone and took her picture!

Henny Penny said...

I'll go with the too tight panty hose theory. Something had to be cutting off the oxygen flow to her brain. Pfft.

~Jennifer said...

Oh my gosh! I'm dying to know what was in the woman's mind. Incredible. I also have friends in law enforcement. It's a nice feeling, writing down that license plate number, even if nothing comes of it, it's a nice feeling. :-) Cool about roadragers.com I'm thinking the therapeutic benefits are large with a site like that. Aggressive drivers is probably my number one pet peeve.

Stalker Cyberstalker said...

I'm glad you reported her. I feel sorry for her kids. I bet she was jealous of your hair, though.

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