17 May 2007

Blog is how I roll

Imagine my surprise pulling up to the pump and seeing this when I get out. And I thought my van cost a bundle to fuel up. $99.70! Translation?

"I shouldn't have bought this SUV."


In other news, I have read on three blogs now about comments, lack of and abundance of. I hope to go for a record here, so if you lurk? Come on out even if to say, "Here I am making a dumb comment". (Watch, I'll get 75 comments saying this very thing)

Having blogging peops (not the Easter kind of peeps) leads to blog links. I've posted on my reasons for linking so I will spare you the 5 minutes of boredom.

Oh, who am I kidding..you can get my blog roll disclaimer here.

Now, I have discovered a very effective way to cut back that lengthy, unmanageable blog roll. When you get carpal tunnel scrolling through the list, it's time to freshen things up. Everyone wants more readers but I've compiled 10 effective ways to cut down your blog roll and subsequently your readers.

1) Consistently complain about other boring blogs because someone threatened your life if you didn't sit there and read them.

2) Liberally blog about feeds, flash, HTML, templates and the ever popular dropping constant advice like Dear Abby has passed the torch to you.

3) Change your template and or URL every 10 days or so.

4) Alternate your postings between blogging music lyrics then memes.

5) Post how you feel like a cow along with your food diary, colon purges, caloric intake and number of lbs lost in the last 24 hours.

6) SPAM your blogroll.

7) Post controversially on any of the following: Iraq, the President, Homeschoolers, Stay at home moms, Go to work moms, your ex, Nancy Pelosi/Fire Marshall Bill, Saving Paris, Chubby Chasers, etc...

8) Actively convert everyone on your blog to your religion: Goat worship, Buddhist, The Church of Starbucks, Mormon, Catholic, Christian, Wicca, Right Wing, Left Wing, Bat Wing, and Worship of the Krispy Kreme God.

9) Post once every three weeks and say, "I'm back" then abandon blog for another three weeks. Repeat. Make sure your posts include excuses why you are so busy.

10) Make as many posts about..well, lets sum it up in one word: Youtube.

Now that I have effectively offended half my blog roll and subsequently implicated myself, I can be thankful my carpal tunnel can heal properly.

(DISCLAIMER: I love my blog peops and have it be known, this is simply the conglomerate of 2½ years of blogging experience talking here. All names have been changed to protect my blog roll)


Jenn said...

What's a chubby chaser?

Dapoppins said...

Tag! Your it! I just tagged you for the one thousand things about ME meme! Do one thousand things about you and then you must tag one thousand bloggers by Friday. If you do this, one thousand people will hate you...er, I mean love you and send you a dish towel.

Dapoppins said...

PS...love the new HEADER!

now I must go whipe the snot off my face from the laughter.

Jenn said...


Its someone who is attracted to morbidly obese people.

Dapoppins said...

When are you going to do your meme? Huh? You only have until Friday or I can't send you the cute orange and red sunflower and puppy dish towel I bought for this...

Thoroughly Offended Millie said...

hehehehhehehehee. I love it.

I changed my URL and half my readership dropped. It was great, particularly because two chicks who used to read my blog were cranky that I wouldn't read theirs. One was passive-aggressive and bratty, the other one was outright "You don't read my blog" and I was like, dang straight. Your blog sucks, lady. Sorry. Neither of them bother with my new blog.

Nancy Pelosi/Fire Marshal Bill... you so bad.

Offended said...

You hurt my feelings.

Dave said...


Did I tell you my bowling average is 115?

Did you mention taking peoples heads and altering them to make them funny?

Keep up the good work here.

Jenn said...

Take two doses of sarcasm and blog about it in the morning.

Your blog does not suck. We all change every now and then. It's good to change. It is not good to feel obligated to link. I'm like you, I link because I like or you are famous or something...

don't make me egg your van. I know where you live.

Jenn said...

Emma-headed Seagulls are a plus. So is hearing Amy Winehouse. She should be banned from all radio stations, starting with mine.

Ba Doozie said...

also, a good way of cutting back is to be politically incorrect, and or state your morals/values. also insist on keeping the stupid word verification even though I don't have it and I never get spammed. I friggin hate wv.

whip it..whip it good.

ok, I'm off to be the soccer mom of the year..dang I fit in so good out there, everyone loves me. I have to sit by the trash can in order to get someone to notice me.

by the way it's "brynelle" please spell it right

McBunni said...

If that was a test, I failed....however, I am not offended. :D

I love your posts, Em. They ROCK!

You have inspired me to write more gooder. :D

therese kay said...

i'd count how many of those i'm guilty of, but i've had 1.5 glasses of fine red wine and i don't give a hoot :0)

McBunni said...

P.S. I would like to voice my opinion about the gas prices right now. They SUCK!

R said...

Wow. I don't know if I do any of that. Hmm. I might. You did not say pictures were required. I hate posting pictures all the time.

The good thing about you is that you make me laugh like nothing else, it doesn't matter what it is.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh you are so funny- I second that about the bloggers that complain about gaining weight/losing weight etc!!

And I hope it's ok if I beg you and all your commenters here to come over to my contest... are contests ok? It's cool stuff!


Delia said...

Hahaha, I'm guilty of them all. I think. Maybe. Aww shoot! Now I've got to go check through my archives and see what I left out!

This is too funny!

Brillig said...

Oh, I'm so sick of boring blogs. I have some cool HTML tags that I wanted to show you. I even just made a new template (I really did! Yikes! Was that one about ME?)and I'm working on a new meme about music lyrics and what a cow I am.

(I think that this comment qualifies as spam...)

I'd like to see an America where Iraq-veteran chubby-chasing homeschoolers who work outside the home become President and worship goats.

SOrry about the long break. Now I'm back. I was just really busy pushing the enter button. I made a video of it and put it on YouTube. Go check it out.

Jenn said...



Oh, that made me laugh so hard.

As for the list, I'm personally 8 for 10. But your post on comments was inspiring.

Dr. Effcup said...

Emma, three drops of what?

Emma, are you spamming yourself?

Brilling, I think you have very skinny eyes.

~Jennifer said...

I've done almost all of those things at least once! Harumff!!!


Oh, I'm here posting a dumb comment.

Henny Penny said...

Guilty of changing blogs here.

I'm menopausal.

Jeff said...

I have a hard time keeping up you "everyday" bloggers. I can barely squeeze a new post in every other day, PLUS read all the peops on my reader - which is odd considering I don't really have a life.

Pink said...


i'm here to make the 76th dumb comment here. ;)

and what is wrong with goat worship? how very intolerant of you!

Now...blogroll...I have to admit that since I converted my blog, my roll didn't come with it and I've not recreated it. But I will cuz its too much of a pain to search for the url in my favorites or on the comments :)

Charlyn said...

You always have a lot of comments, what are you talking about??

I need your help. I want to change my background, but don't want to lose anything.

What shall I do?????

Jeremiah said...

Okay, you nailed me. But, really, I have been busy. Just in the last two weeks, I've battled Venom, the Sandman, and that damned New Goblin, not to mention trying to get to the bottom of what's ailing MJ. And, I've rescued two sets of hostages, been chased by zombies, heisted a Vegas casino, and, did this stint in a museum where everything came to life at midnight. Really. But, now I'm back!

Foo said...

Here's your comment. With the MS 150 past and my indentured servitude winding down, I hope to find myself wandering the blogsphere more regularly once again.

Heffalump said...

Gas prices are up there! It cost us $67.00 to fill up yesterday. Ah for the days of 98 cent per gallon gas.
There you go...my lurking comment.

Foo said...

Translation? "I shouldn't have bought this SUV."

This is my way of exacting a small bit of revenge for all the duelies and monster trucks who bully my little Dorian in traffic. I see one of those big numbers left on the pump from a previous visitor, and I point, laugh, and say "Sucker!"

Is that wrong?

wolfbaby said...


guilty as charged...

Now since i have seen the ever famous list of what not to do.. I must of course go do it to be quite contrary :P

To funny. I to make faces at those big numbers and stay grateful for my small car!!

oh and you forgot to add lame contest *grin*

Joanne Casale Viskup said...

Wow. I really rock! I don't do any of that! Except lurking....I do lurk. I shouldn't, I know. Especially when I'm such a comment whore!! Really, if I had as many comments as you....*shivers with pleasure*...I'm not sure I could handle it!

I gues I neglect to comments because I feel like I have to be clever all the time and I'm so damn clever on my own blog that I'm plumb out of clever when I read other blogs!

kisses. J

Stephen said...

I've been pruning my blogroll on a regular basis as well. My main criteria is 'updates blog more than once every month or so', hence the ever-shortening blogroll. :)

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"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe